Life

is stuttering a little, just a little. I would say I've lost count of how many application forms I've sent out, but being efficient in this instance I've made a list of sent applications in the last couple of weeks. A grand total of 14, it seems much more when you spend so long filling them out, already got the next four application forms nicely lined up to send out and zilch call backs so far.

Lovely, and to add to my problems my lifeline laptop has developed a few worrying niggles I've got to straighten out, waiting on the tools for that so I can't spend as much time on it as I like. Since I use it so much; its my tv, typewriter for fiction and fact pieces, and source of unlimited art practice in case I'm putting across the idea that I surf the net all day, its a big deal, particually as nowadays a large proportion of job application forms are both found online, filled out and submitted electronically.

Moving back home this friday probuly and seesh I hope I can convince my mom I'm not a small child that needs to be monitored and told what to do all the time, it hasn't worked so far, but heres hoping. Haven't seen my mom or one of my little sis's for almost a year, so looking forward to that, also dreading it.

I'm a very solitary person by choice, last person I talked to was general niceities to the checkout guy at my local supermarket a couple of days ago and I like it like that. I like my own space and don't understand human beings need to socialise all the time. So my very social butterfly siblings are likely going to be getting on my nerves while I'm trying to reach my work quota for the day on one of my writing projects, or delving into the sociological theory of criminology - a very interesting topic I bought a book on when my year end exams finished so I'd still get to read something intellectually stimulating over the summer.

I love my family, I really do but I also know I'm going to want to get out of that house as soon as possible. So its back to the application forms for a while I think.

I'm setting myself some projects to carry out this summer, something I love to do.

1.One the main one is to get a job including all the associated find a place nearby to live, etc,

2. I'm also writing a guide book I've been writing for a little while - about 5000 words into that so far

3. Learning a new topic - criminlogy - ten pages a day of my new book, 70 pages in so far

4. Get some driving lessons under my belt

5. Summer work, paid or voluntary - already know where I want to work - it starts near the end of july - if I'm sticking to work that starts september

6. practice my art and read and write fiction - already written almost 8000 words into current downtime story, and I'll be starting reading a new fiction book in a chapter or two.

So, fun times. Lets hope it goes well.

So hows the job hunt going?

Application forms. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggg....

That is all.

Change

Today I've been trying to sort out my paperwork for university to see how much money I'll be able to claim back for my disabled students allowance. I came across a copy of my assessment written a few years ago when I was 18, and wow, how on earth are 18 year olds considered adults? I was so young.

Its not so much the things said about me "... has concentration difficulties and requires...", "sensitivity to noises", "slow writing speed". I still have all those things, that hasn't changed. Its how I felt back then, preparing for university and being completely nervous about any eventuallity that might go wrong, and independence, that was as much terrifying as it was exciting. And my attittude, feeling so much like a little lost sheep that had to do my best to just follow along with everyone else, as they must know best.

Interacting with other human beings was not so much a puzzle as a bizzaire version of that game where you have to try your best not to make any noise as you sneak up behind someone to tap them on the shoulder, and if they hear you and turn around as your still moving your out. I didn't want to make any mistakes, and whenever I did I always blamed myself harshly. So I wouldn't as much try to solve the constant puzzle of social communication as try to slot in what I thought were the right pieces when I had to, then run away as fast as humanly possible.

Now I know people make mistakes, and thats fine, its human even. The only thing I can do is try to learn from them, and just because my view point is usually very different from anyone elses doesn't make it any less valid. I think its the most important lesson I've ever learnt and its changed me so much.

Tomorrow I start sending out job applications, I've scheduled it so by Sunday I will have sent out ten, then likely five more each day until I land myself some employment. Lets hope it goes well and I don't end up completely despising the world of work.

Freedom

No more exams!!! And as long as I've passed them, no more university!!!

Off to collapse, once I regain conciousness I'll start applying for jobs and begin a whole new stage of life.