Ideas can be dangerous

Heres something new. Graduation coming up I've been thinking about careers and mentioning my skills and interests someone mentioned something I'd never even considered before, law enforcement. So as I always do with a new idea, I researched it.

I love puzzles, patterns and behaviour, as in obsessively. Sure your mind automatically goes to something to do with maths and statistics. I've tried those, I must have been the only one in my class who loved algerbra it just seemed so simple. Sudoku was also very straight forward and tackled quickly when given a book a while ago. However one tiny detail lies in the way of me embracing a career of maths; its boring.

Its just not multilayered enough. Even when I hit a wall where I need to learn a new equation to figuire something out, it still seems the same. My interests have often been more about things I can't understand like behaviour patterns. I like noticing patterns in peoples behaviour, how they walk, talk, hold themselves, what they say, what they do, why, how. I'm logical in breaking down whatever situation I find myself in, looking for the truth, lies and patterns. I also notice details some people miss.

I think if I were to go for a career in law enforcement I would go into it with the idea of a later career in CID, either that or the dog team but likely CID. It would be difficult, particually to start off with. The work of a police officer relies heavily on interpersonal skills. However I think I like the idea of pushing myself to see how much I can do better than hiding out in something less challenging. Therefore its staying in my maybe careers for now.

Christmas cheer

Not going home this christmas. I'm 21 and spending my first christmas on my own. Well, I have the cat for company, but those that I've mentioned it to don't seem to think she counts.

Think at this point, I just want the education part of my life over and be able to tackle the big wide world and get a job. The first year of university was fun, the second ok, but by the third I feel like I've finished my quota long ago and just want it finished. By june or july of this year I will be finished and will have sent out CV's by the dozens in order to get my foot in the door that is a career. So in about six months I'll be free, thats both extremely exciting and extremely terrifying at the same time.

Life in this world is a funny thing, everyone going about their buisness of jobs, home, kids, socialising. The dance you go through to get promoted, or get the job in the first place. The pretty lies people have to say to get there in the first place. 'Why do you want this job?' 'To earn money'. Apparlently the wrong answer, though I don't understand why its so bad to say you want the job for money, surely thats the truth, or why wouldn't you by-pass the money and just volunteer instead.

Sure people want experience or to learn a new skill, thats important too, but personally I quite like the thought of food on the plate and a roof over my head. I also don't understand why a response along the lines of 'I think I will really fit in in your company' works. I want a job to work, not to socialise, shouldn't knowing how to do a job right be more important than having a little small talk about what the weather is like?

Anyway, by the end of the holidays I'm hoping to have made a nice dent in my dissertation and to have finished at least one more essay due later on in the year (leaving me with 2 essays, 1 group work and the rest of my dissertation to go). So best get back to work.

Merry Christmas.

But you don't look disabled?

I've reached a perilous period in my life, balancing between having everything I've dreamed of since I can remember dreaming, and crashing into a harsh reality of unemployment with 'I don't think you'll fit into our workplace, we need people with good communication skills you see.'

Life must be terrifying for those who rely on their hands rather than mouths for words. I have a similar issue with our increasingly popularised need for language skills. Only, with me its the 90% percent of language that is body language thats the main issue. I can speak, no problem, but when it comes to understanding people I'm a tourist stuck in a foreign land with a very limited translator dictionary. I imagine sometimes for others its like they've walked up to that odd person clutching a small dictionary jotted with learned and purely guesswork translations and tried to engage them in conversation.

Its called aspergers syndrome, on the same spectrum as autism. No, rainman is not a good film to turn to for explanation.

Anyway, I thought I'd write stuff, while my life is approaching a fundimental point, university has a funny way of giving you too much time to think on the future even when piled with work. Next year is when I enter the big wide world and get a full time job, its scary to think about but I certainly have no shortage of plans.

I'm going to earn money, save as much as humanly possible and buy a house that I can see myself living the rest of my life in. My big goal in life so far has been to get a degree, in six months that'll be done bar a huge problem so I'll have to have another long term goal to work towards, or a couple.

Its not going to be easy, but its going to be possible.